Easily Amused

I remember when a good paycheck was not enough to keep me at a job. Over the last two weeks my pay is what has kept me coming to work. My work ethic is what keeps me doing my job at more then a minimum level.

If I have to come into work at this office, I am at least keep my numbers 2 and 3 times higher then the majority of the call center. That is an average of 80 to 100 calls on a normal day. My little revenge. Except for Maggie. We stay neck and neck. I think it maybe her Hispanic upbringing. She talks very fast. I ask her if she learned that in Puerto Rico when she was growing up, but she never answers me.

So my days of doing that little extra, staying another 15 minutes to finish a project are done. Well in this office anyway. Funny if you read my archives, you can actually see the change in my feelings toward my work. I have applications out and have been looking for something new. Something closer then Minnesota, though I hear the people there are great to work with.

Wherever I end up I will miss the island. I need to clarify the island though. This includes not just the regulars mentioned here on the island(Winston, Steven, Briggette, Lenny) it of course also includes solo islands (Maggie, Olympe, Rufus) and a couple not mentioned a lot (Talia, Demon Dhairy).

This band of misfits keeps me going. We laugh a lot at work. I sit next to Winston, and kitty-corner to me is Steven. Winston and I both answer incoming calls, Steven does other things, and is sometimes called upon for more specific info that Winston and I may not know. There was an exchange between the two of them today that struck me as funny.

The walls that divide us are short so that we can “share”. Sometimes it is easier to just ask the questions over the wall. That is frowned upon though. Of course from where I sit I could hear both sides of this conversation.

Steven’s phone rings. He picks it up.

Steven: Hi, this is Steven.

Winston: Hi, Steven. This is Winston.

Steven: Hi, Winston. What can I help you with?

Winston: Steven, You cannot help me with this.

Steven: Okay, Winston.

Winston: Thanks. Bye.

Steven: Bye.

From where I sit, this was very funny. -bear

Read This First!

It has come to this. I figured I should do a little explaining concerning the next post. Very simple really, Just follow along!

a) This was done in fun.
b) No one should be insulted. If you see yourself in this story, then laugh.
c) In this post and all past and future post, the people are mostly made up or combinations of people.
d) Our call center is not adding another division to handle these types of calls.
e) This post may not be considered work safe. Read at your own risk.
f) I will print you a hard copy if you ask.
g) I do not like weasels.
h) If this post makes you mad or upset, reread b.
i) You may find that the light coming from this blog is too bright for shadows.
j) My island rules, kicks butt, and takes names.
k) This post started with an idea from the Demon dHairy, the newest addition to the island.
l) If you take the h out of Demon dHairy. You have Demon dairy.
m) Insanity does not rub off.
n) I once worked with a Bing Crosby impersonator, now I know all the words to "Swinging on a Star"
o) Steven hates the Firebear version of "Swinging on a Star"
p)You should visit http://moronmouth.blogspot.com and all the connected blogs at least once a day.
q) Wally should blog more.
r) I will never golf with Ivan again.
s) Goose will never golf with me again.
t) Maggie is not really Puerto Rican.
u) If you are insulted by anything you read here, I suggest you stop reading.
v) Damn Rufus stole my job. But he has a nice ass so is ok.
w) Wally does not look like a Wally.
x) I have blackmail photos of three out of four of my supervisors, thanks to Steven.
y) My wrist is killing me.
z) Trivia Fridays Rule! (Yes, the answer is Tony Randall!)

The New Call Center!

To help balance the state budget, the governor has come up with a great plan. The plan will be put in effect very quickly. This new idea uses the already existing retirement phone center so there was no added cost. The training is mixed, some will have no problems learning the new info, and some may have a little problem with getting into the right mind set. As usual I expect my island, which is the best group of CSR’s anywhere, to uh rise to the new challenge like a fish takes to water. Heck, some of the guys are already set to go! While there may be some public out cry, there does not seem to be anyway for the plan not to pay off!

Automatic Phone Answering System (APAS): Thank you for calling the retirement system. Please listen to all our options, because our menu has changed. If you are an active member, press 1. A retiree press 2. For phone sex with a man, press 3. For phone sex with a female, press 4.

(Beeeeeeeeeeep)

APAS: Your call is very important to us. It will be answered by the first available operator. To help speed up your call, please have your member number or your credit card ready. Your call is very important to us. It will be answered by the first available operator. To help speed up your call, please have your…

Winston: Thank you for calling. I need your name and credit card number.
MaleCaller: Uh, I wanted to speak to a girl…
Winston: No sir, it says on my computer that you pushed the 3 button. That means you want to talk to a man. Your name and credit card number.
MC: I am sure I pushed 4. Can you just transfer me to a woman?
Winston: I cannot do that. You have me so I am required to get you off.
MC: Look, that’s gross, dude. I was told if I didn’t like who I got, I could be transferred to someone else. I’m the one paying for this.
Winston: Who told you that?
MC: My buddy, Ivan.
Winston: Why would he tell you that?
MC: Uh, I don’t know.
Winston: Well it is wrong. Do you want to speak to a supervisor?
MC: Is the supervisor a female?
Winston: Yes, ma’am uh I mean sir. I will transfer you now. I must caution you though. I am in high demand. If you call back you might not be able to get me again.
MC: I will take that chance.

(Beeeeeeeeeeep)

Steven: Hi, this is Stevie, how can I help you today?
YoungGirlCaller: Hi Stevie. You sound nice. My name is Loletta.
Steven: You sound young, Loletta. How old are you? It is a state law; you have to be at least 18 to talk on this line. I do not know where you are, but around here a man just got arrested for messing with a 15-year-old girl.
YGC: I am old enough. I am 23.
Steven: Well ok, I will believe you for now. But I am being careful. If you say anything that makes me question on whether you are 18, I am ending the call. Now what can I do for you today?
YGC: Well, Stevie, I want you to do me. Tell me what you will do to me and I want anal!
Steven: Are you sure? I heard it is uncomfortable. I would suggest just a simple coupling. I can go over the basics.
YGC: But that isn’t what I want…
Stevie: I understand, but I believe this is the best course of action. If you want I can research it a little. I will have to put you on hold while I do that.

(Beeeeeeeeeeep)

Maggie: Hi, thanks for calling, this is Sassy. What’s your name?
ScruffyVoiceMan: Uh, hi Sassy. I’m, uh. La- uh, Simon. My name is Simon. How-ow are you?
Maggie: Nothing to be nervous about, Simon. Its just little old me. I am lonely and sooooo glad you called. Are you in Michigan?
SVM: Uh yea Sassy, I am. Aren’t you?
Maggie: Sounds cold! No Simon I am at my home in Puerto Rico, sitting on the back porch looking out at the ocean. The ocean breeze is blowing through my long blonde hair.
SVM: Wow! You are blonde? Are you tall with big breastestess too? Like Rachel Hunter? There aren’t weasels in Puerto Rico are there. Oh never mind.
Maggie: Weasels…Yes, Simon. I have been told I look just like Rachel Hunter. I am wearing a golden bikini, just like the one she wore on the Real Gilligan’s Island.
SVM: That sounds great, Maggie. You are getting me so hot!
Maggie: Yeah, and speaking of hot, I have to take off this bikini before I get…WAIT A MINUTE! What did you call me?
SVM: uh nothing…Sassy…
Maggie: You called me Maggie! How did you know my name is…LARRY! IT IS YOU! I SEE YOU LOOKING AT ME OVER YOUR CUBICLE WALL! YOU KNOW BETTER THEN TO PISS OFF A BLACK WOMAN, BOY! I SHOULD COME OVER THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS, BUT I REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH YOUR HANDS!

(Beeeeeeeeeeep)

Briggette: This is Mistress Briggette, worm! What is your name?
OldManCaller: Um, I think I pressed the wrong button. I was trying to check on my pension check. Can you put me through to…?
Briggette: I did not ask you that, worm! Give me your name now! (Whip sound in the background)
OMC: Oh my, My-y name is Thomas. I am just trying to check on my…
Briggette: Shut up, worm! I know what you want! You think I will just do what ever you want. That ain’t happening! You belong to Mistress Briggette now!
OMC: (muffled voice) I don’t know Helen, it sounds like a whip. Ok I will hang up. (Clear voice again) I’m sorry, Briggette. I am going to hang-
Briggette: What did you call me, worm? I am Mistress Briggette! You must be punished! Pinch your nipple! NOW!
OMC: What? Pinch my nipple? Why?
Briggette: Don’t question me! DO IT NOW BEFORE YOU GET PUNSHED MORE!
OMC: (muffled voice) I have to pinch my nipple. (Pause) Mistress Briggette told me to! (Pause) Well I haven’t asked about my pension check yet. (Pause) I am trying! You could help! I have two nipples you know!
Briggette: Worm, you better not be letting that bitch touch you! I did not give you permission to let her touch you!
OMC: Yes, Mistress Briggette! (Muffled voice) Get your hand off me!
Briggette: That’s better, but you were still bad! How would you like it if I took my whip and gave you 40 lashes?! You’d like that wouldn’t you worm! (Sound of whip snapping)
OMC: Yes, Mistress Briggette! Oh! My-y heart! Aaaah! My heart! (Sound of a falling body hitting the floor.)

(Beeeeeeeeeeep)

Lenny: How are you, thanks for calling. Tell me how to take care of you tonight?
ConfidentSoundingWoman: I just have a quick question.
Lenny: And I have the answer. Yes, I have over 5 pounds of chocolate in my pants.
CSW: That’s great. Not my question though. But good to know. I went to your guys’ website, and I can’t find any pictures of any of your phone staff.
Lenny: You can not get photos online. You have to put your request in writing. Then we will send it out. By the way, I have been working out today and am all sweaty…
CSW: That is great. How about a cam? Do you guys have a place to view your web cam? We couldn’t find it.
Lenny: We do not have a cam set up yet. They tell us when they upgrade our system next year it will be available. And, yes, ma’am, I also am not wearing pants.
CSW: (muffled) You talk to him. He is not making any sense.
ConfidentSoundingMan: Do you at least have a place on the web to buy official Retirement sex toys?
Lenny: Yes, sir, I also am not wearing pants.

(Beeeeeeeeeeep)

Larry: (in a husky voice) Good morning. Thank you for calling. This is Bear. How may I pleasure you?
Roosevelt: Mr. Bear, Mr. Bear! My name is Roosevelt. I need to get my money! My check is coming Thursday, right?
Larry: (regular voice) Hi Roosevelt. It is Larry. You hit the wrong button again.
Roosevelt: Mr. Larry, Mr. Larry! How are you doing? I just want to make sure on my money. I got to get my medicine! You got my address right?
Larry: Yes, Roosevelt. Your check will get there Thursday.
Roosevelt: Good, good Mr. Larry. I thank you for that! I just have one other question, Mr. Larry, and then I’ll leave you alone.
Larry: Sure Roosevelt, go ahead.
Roosevelt: Mr. Larry, can I get alittle somethin’ somethin’?
Larry: You know I can’t Roosevelt, not without a valid Credit Card.
Roosevelt: That’s ok Mr. Larry! How about just alittle though?
Larry: Ok, Roosevelt, but this is it next time you have to pay for it.

Of course we would not be complete with out some:

HALF HEARD COMMENTS OF THE WEEK:

"No sir, I will not bend over and let you ram me like a rhyno. That is very degrading!"

"Chapped? No one else complains about getting chapped. I think it must be you!

"I am not sure how to do that. I will have to put you on hold and walk around until someone tells me."

"And now I am slowly… wait a minute. Larry! It is you!"

"Yes, I have been told I have a nice ass."

"I have to end this call now, sir. It’s my early day and the only day I can get things done in the afternoon."

...and then there's Maude!

I have changed my focus at work. I focus only on the people of my island. These are great people, and really the only people I trust in the office. While before I tried to add suggestions, throw out my thoughts, now I do not. I have our newest manager to thank for that. (Thanks, Maude for helping me develop an "I don't care" attitude!) And walking around turns out, that I am not the only one. This office can not be any more divided. Its like Europe, all the nations protecting their borders.

Here is an average meeting.

Maude: … and here I have a flow chart that we have created to help you handle these types of calls. I held a meeting with 3 other supervisors to develop this to help you. The meeting lasted almost 4 hours, but we did it. Anyone have any questions on this?

Mr. SomeAnyonePhonePerson (SAPP): This is what we already do.

Maude: Not everyone. We worked hard on this.

Ms. SAPP2: Uh yeah, we all do this already, even down to the backward smiley face symbol at the bottom. You could have asked anyone of us instead of having a long meeting.

Mr. SAPP: (-:

Maude: Remember today is the annual Christmas party from 11:30 to 12:30! Everyone be sure to be there, otherwise you do not get paid for that hour. I am sure it will be great fun!

Mr. SAPP: What? We are being bribed to go to the Christmas party? Are they afraid that no one will show up?

Ms. SAPP2: I wouldn’t.

Maude: Okay, that is all the issues I have. Anyone else have anything?

Mr. SAPP: I do. I have been getting calls about members not understanding the letter that was sent out concerning BluMonkeys. They are saying it is too confusing.

Maude: (looking at the clock) I have not heard that. I think its probably just you.

Mr. SAPP: I don’t think…

Maude: Ok, since no one has anything else…

Ms. SAPP2: Actually, I have the same problem.

Maude: Great! This is so much better having one meeting a week instead of two. We don’t waste time! Everyone go be happy on the phones today!

Mr. SAPP: Does anyone hear the words I am speaking?

It just is not worth it any more! We have gone from a great office to a so-so office. I do not like it.

Let’s change the focus. I am too cheery a person for this. The pointy headed boss will be back soon and all should go back to normal. Then maybe we can go back to being Canada and The US. and Puerto Rico. (Hi Maggie!)

Half heard quote of the week:

Lenny: Hey, I got about 5 pounds of chocolate in my pants.


Calls of the week:

Mr. INeedMyDrugs: My doctor says I can no longer get the drug Causesheartattack. Why not?
Me: Sir, Causesheartattack was taken off the market because it has been proven to cause heart attacks.
MR. INMD: I don’t care, I want my drug! If I do not get it I will call my lawyer!
Me: Sir, If I could get it for you, I would.

and my new favorite:

Mrs. OhIamSoPoor: I cannot afford to cover my husband on the health insurance anymore. The increase in cost next month of $12.53 does not leave me enough money to cover my car payment!
Me: Ok, ma’am, I will send you out the paper work. That poor man!

Have a great day, and be happy on the phones! -bear

I Am Not An Ostrich!

I don’t know, maybe it is the weather. In the call center this week I have had several frustrating conversations with members that all seem to be going the same way. Here is an example. Anything in italic is what I am thinking.

Me: Yes, Steven, I am the snake to your Eve.

(RING)

Me: Good afternoon, thank you for calling, this is Larry -bear, may I have your member number please? Since you could not figure out how to enter it into the automated system using your telephone keypad.

Mr. NotStraightForward: Hello. How. Are. You?

Me: Um, I am good, sir. I need your member number. And for you to talk faster.

Mr. NSF: I. Have. Not. Gotten. My. Check. For. The. Last. Two. Months. Where. Is. My. Money?

Me: I can check that sir. Let me get your member number and I can pull up the account. Ugh, no one can possibly speak this slowly!

Mr. NSF: You. Want. My. Member. Number?

Me: Yes, sir. No, I want your phone number so I can call you everyday and listen to you talk a word a minute.

Mr. NSF: You. Want. My. Member. Number. Let. Me. Go. Get. It.

(I hear the phone sat down and Mr. NSF shuffles away. I hit the mute button and stand up.)

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Which gets the attention of most of my island, except Maggie. Maggie is part of our island, but isn’t connected. She is like Puerto Rico. I believe she likes it that way. Though I don't know why. She said something about being worried that insanity could rub off. )

Mr. NSF: Okay. I. Got. My. Member. Number. Are. You. Ready?

Me: Yes. I. am. Go. ahead. Great! Now he has me doing it! Maybe I can finish writing this blog between the numbers.

Mr. NSF: Okay. My. Member. Number. Is. ZOOOOOOOM!

(I have never heard anyone say a number that fast!)

Me: Uh, can you repeat that?

Mr. NSF: Sure. Yes. It. Is. ZOOOOOOOM!

(He did it again, the freaken’ uncle of Moses was suddenly the Flash!)

Me: One more time. Just keep it under the sound barrier this time.

(I do finally get the info, and this seems to have made him think that now he can speak at regular speed.)

Me: Ok, Mr. NSF. You said that you have not received a payment in two months. Yeah I remember when you told me that about an hour ago. Let’s verify your address.

(He verifies his address, but my Firebear sense is starting to go off.)

Me: Mr. NSF, I have to dig into this a little more. This will take a few minutes. Is there anything specific I should be looking for? Any reason why your payments would have been stopped?

Mr. NSF: Not that I know of. I haven’t done anything.

Me: You are lying! I know you are lying! You know you are lying! Now I have to dig through six different data bases until I find out what is going on! You could easily tell me at this point and save us both time! But no, I have to check everything. Do you think I am not going to find it? That I will miss what is going on and because of that, your checks are going to magically appear in front of you! IDIOT! IDIOT! IDIOT! I liked you better when you talked a word a minute! Ok, Sir, please wait.

(After about five minutes I find out why his payments were stopped.)

Me: Mr. NSF, It says here that we need a copy of your birth certificate. That if you did not send it right away, your payments would be suspended. They even tried to call you.

Mr. NSF: Yea, I remember the letter and the phone call. I think I sent that in last week.

Me: It does not appear that we have received it yet. I would suggest sending in another copy you lying weasel of a man. You were told to send in that birth cert or your payments would be stopped. So you still wonder why your payment stops? Bite me! I bet you didn’t even send it out last week!

Mr. NSF: Ok, I will get a copy in the mail today.

Me: Sure, Mr. NSF weasel, you get that right to us. Have a nice day. You freaken’ weasel!

(I release the call and rub my head)

Me: So, Steven, I am the snake to your Eve.

The Yoke's On Me

So I am driving down the road, feeling that life is tough. That everyone is against me. That I am just tired of the crap that seems to keep piling up.

Then I drive past a farm with a fairly good size barn. An older gentleman is standing out front with a calm look on his face. I instantly feel better. That life is not bad. That if this man can look out at his troubles and still be calm, then I should have no problems following his lead.

I slow down a little and he waves at me. I wave back. I start to stop, but he motions that everything is ok. I drive off with a long glance in my rear view mirror. Speeding up I go back to my world, leaving him, and the two hundred plus chickens that have gotten loose and are flapping wildly around his yard, behind.

Looking For My Newest Post?

Well it is not here! I have guest blogged over at http://www.moronmouth.blogspot.com/ It is titiled "Paging Dr. Firebear". I liked the orginal title though "Staying Regular in the Call Center". Damn editors! (J/K DM!)
Check it out and browse around. There is some very funny stuff over there! I will be back here in a day or so!

The Once and Future Self

I wanted to write something today far removed from the complications of past relations, or current relations, or even future relations. Just trying to touch different emotions.

A couple years ago I had been talking to a woman who I went to high school with. Someone I had not talked to in over 12 years. She searched me out. Not sure why, because as we talked, it turned out that she had been mad at me for over a decade. Hurt because I left town and joined the US Navy. Crazy high school teen feelings played into this. Our lives are not perfect and she wondered, knew, that if I had stayed we would have had a terrific life together. It was impossible for me to grasp this at first. For 12 years she had held onto this belief that I had deeply effected her life by not being there.

We all hold onto hope. Dreaming of what might have been. Don’t we have to let these dreams go at sometime? Except reality? Or is reality too harsh to except? Or do we just have to blame someone for life being tough?

I am the first to admit that I have strong emotions. Sometimes I do stupid things because I am scared of being hurt. Some people you never completely let go. Some people that you would be hard pressed not to run back to if the chance came up, no matter how bad it was before. I don’t know why.

I do know that what has happened to you in the past has made you the person you are today. So I cannot regret the past, heck half the time I don’t learn from it. The future is scary. Sometimes I want to hide under my bed! I could not hide though. That’s not me. Not going to start hiding from life now.

I never thought I would be where I am now. The person I am with is the love of my life. The person who I searched for my whole life. I wish everyone reading this to find this. No matter how many wrong turns I took, I kept living. Do the same.

Have a good evening everyone, I am happy that you have visited my world.

Damn kid! Get away from my fence!

Looking across the Internet for a Big Wheel for my 4-year-old today. This should not be as hard as it is turning out to be. Of course while doing this, I can not help but think back to my first bike.
I was around four also.

The bike was red and white, banana seat, and "gorilla" handle bars. I rode that bike for years. I never once had training wheels on it. My Mother taught me how to ride it, and I never looked back.

I remember the day. Early ‘70’s, Columbus, Ohio. The ground was wet from a recent rain and we were on the playground of the elementary school. I remember the playground being a huge concrete slab. At that age it seemed 10 miles from one end to the other.

Mom helped me learn to balance quickly. Showed me the basics. Staying beside me the whole time. After a little while of this, it was time to try on my own. We reviewed steering, pedaling, braking. Running behind me, mom gave me one last push and after a second I was riding BY MYSELF!

Now put yourself back to that age when you first accomplished something that had seemed impossible! I was on a two wheeler, pedaling across the school playground! It was a wonderful feeling that I did not want to end! So with the thrill that only a four-year old can have, I pedaled faster. And faster.

When my Mom describes this, she tends to leave out the thrilling feeling of accomplishment. I think it was short lived for her. While to the four year old flying across the land in a self powered vehicle was the best thing ever, to a young mother watching her eldest son pedal at suicidal speed toward the chain link fence at the opposite end of the playground, the feeling was closer to panic. I do remember her yelling at me to use the brake. I ignored that. I was in my groove.

The perfect ending to this story is that I did notice the fence, turned the bike around and meet Mom half way back to the starting spot. That would just be a lie.

I barreled into that fence at full blast. Never even tried to stop, slow or turn around. After making sure I was in one piece, my Mom carried the bike and me back to our house where my Grandma was waiting. I do have to mention that after the initial reaction of seeing "Larry versus The Fence, Part 1" my Mom recovered and could not stop laughing. Grandma yelled at her about it, but she would not stop! After the look over to see that nothing was broken, only a couple of scraps and bruises, my Mom laughed for an hour straight. In fact, she will tell you the story now, over 30 years later, and still break into laughter, and my Grandma will still tell her to stop! My uncles used to tell the story to people and point out the Larry shaped indent in the fence.

This was just the first adventure my bike and I had. Years later when I traded up for a racing bike, it was with a sad heart. Of course there are some racing bike and later 12-Speed bike stories, and well yeah even other fence stories. Those will have to wait for another time.

Mmmmmmmm Hooters!

Most that know me understand that I have a thing for Hooters. Nothing gets me more excited then that rubbing that flesh across my lips. Some find it odd, but I like my Hooters naked and hot. Must be the southern in me.

Before anyone gets too excited, (down shadow people!) I am talking about Hooters Restaurant and Chicken Wings. I have been visiting these places for years, every time I find a new one I am so there.

A new Hooters has opened in our area. Instead of our usual Thursday night Penguin trip, Steven and I decided to go there. Change of atmosphere, that sort of thing.

I have to explain a little bit about Steven. Terrific worker and friend. Very smart. Has an equally great wife. Steven is a very logical thinker. Everything in its place, time and place for everything, that sort of type. Most of all, he had never been to a Hooters.

Part way through the workday we decided on it. We would just drive out and grab a bite to eat.

We arrived and walked in under the trademark orange neon. I could smell the hot wings already cooking. A pretty, young lady showing a fair amount of cleavage showed us to a table. Most men like breast. I do. I like looking at breast, heck I like just being around breast. I do believe I am discrete, though some would say that is open to debate. Because of past experiences, when I take a friend into a boob filled place I worry that he may not be as discrete.

Example:
I had taken my friend Ivan to the local topless bar. It was Monday night and they had drink specials while you watched the football game on the big screen television. Oh yea, and the waitresses were topless. Sounded like a win/win to me. Cheap beer, football, topless women, and good conversation. The problem was that I could not have a conversation with Ivan. He was struck dumb by the image of a topless woman. Every once and a while he would mutter something like “I want a girlfriend that walks around the house topless.” We left soon after that.

Steven, thankfully, has more class then that. He did not turn into a blubbering idiot at the sight of a couple big breasts. Being a man the likes everything in its place, I can just assume that Steven feels that breast sticking out of a tight shirt is the right place.

When the waitress sat down (“Kimmie”) at the table with us to “chat”, Steven felt was out of place. Actually by the look on his face, you would have thought the laws of gravity had been broken. Now the waitress may have been bending the laws of gravity (was like two torpedoes being shot out of her chest) but I did not see this as a problem. Of course I tend to be more laid back then Steven.

She really freaked him out when he asked about getting a little sample of the different sauces. Our little Kimmie informed him that they were all out of sample containers, so she would just have the kitchen staff spread the different flavors on her chest. Steven could then just lick the sauces off.

Hehehe. Kimmie made a funny.

Once we got Steven off the floor, she took our order, and then left. Steven let me know how awful that was. That she has a job, and sitting down at the table with us was out of line. And the joke, yeah well the joke was funny. I was glad that neither of us lost an eye nor had a Freudian slip. (Note to Steven – I still do not believe I said titties 7 times while giving my order. You made that up. I only said it 4 times, cleavage is not the same!)

We got our food. I was going to order my usual, Hot and Naked, but Steven ordered the 3-Mile Island sauce. Being a man, I had to order the same sauce. Naked on 3-Mile Island. The difference being I got wings, and he got breaded chicken strips.

The conversation was good. We talked about whether or not Winston says “Bingbing” or Blingbling” when he gets excited. Before we knew it, our food was there. Digging in we started to enjoy our chicken. Was a little hotter then usual for me, was good though. Steven though was going through 3 Mountain Dews and sweating profusely.

I was thinking:
“Damn, Steven is wimping out on me!”

Steven was thinking:
“Damn, how can Larry eat those! I can not even taste the chicken over the hot sauce!”

I have to give him kudos. I tried a piece of his breaded chicken and it was very, very hot. It seems that the breading holds on to the sauce better. Resulting in a much hotter flavor. I would not have been able to eat as many as he did. That is why I always order Hot and Naked. Plus I like telling the waitress, to give it to me Hot and Naked.

Next time I will just take him to a Sushi Place.