Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A Brief History

Yes, I know, been a little while since I posted anything new. In my defense, my new office is boring compared to when I worked for State of Michigan Retirement System. No shadows trying to get you in trouble, no backstabbing, and they like when you do a good job. I have to admit, I like it. If you take a lot of calls, they pay you extra money! I know, unbelievable! When I was working for the Michigan retirement, people would get mad when you worked hard! This “real” world vs. the “hi I’m a state worker who doesn’t like you showing me up by doing the job that I am suppose to be doing, when I would rather be walking around asking dumb questions and spreading stories” world.

What I want to talk about today is much more important.

Men’s Underwear
Not just any men’s underwear.

Larry’s underwear.

The majority of my life I have worn briefs. Tighty Whities. Good support, always disliked the feel of boxers. With boxers I’ld be walking down the street, bouncing all around. Pointing at women as they walked by. Briefs helped that, no bouncing. No pointing.

They had their drawbacks of course. Most forms of clothing do. They were Tighty Whities, and in some situations, like when I didn’t have my pants on, they just subtracted from the moment. At the time, being a man, I decided that the problem had to be my socks. Standing there in just white briefs and neon green socks, didn’t work. I figured I had to match, that would help. That is when I discovered neon green briefs! And a bunch of other colors too! So now I could match!

For some reason it didn’t help.

I kept trying though, and eventually stopped wearing socks on big dates if I thought I would get lucky. Sort of like a woman shaving her legs. Just no socks.

A couple years later (and several cases of athletes foot) I discovered boxer briefs, not only did they come in different colors, they offered the support I required, and I looked damn good in them no matter what socks I wore! So I was content.

Until recently.

I was working over nights at S-Mart. Stocking the shelves, it was a good job except for the fact it was overnight. More on that at a different time. One of the items I was stocking was the underwear. The thong underwear. I had been told in the past that while they looked odd, they were very comfortable. I never beleaved. My boxer brief offered me the support I required, and I looked damn good in them.

Valentines day was approaching, so as a surprise and a laugh I got a thong . Red with these little hearts. Wore them and found out I loved them! There was maximum support with minimal coverage! And they came in different colors to match my socks!

So I bought more. Greens, Blues, blacks. I have even tried to spread the gospil of the thong.

Larry: You should try a thong, Steven! You would love it.
Steven: It doesn’t look comfortable.
Larry: You will be surprised. Tell you what, I’ll lend you a pair of mine.
Steven: Um… No thanks, really.

Now the other day I put on a my boxer briefs. All day I was restless. Having to adjust, being careful when I sat in a chair. Ladies, gravity does not just effect you! I was bouncing all over the place, pointing at women as they walked by. I was just awful!

I have returned to the church of the thong now! I suggest to everyone that you try one! I could even lend one of mine, but I do want it back!

Shade and sweet water, Larry


Blogger brooksba said...

Oh Larry! I love that you can make a post about underwear exciting and funny. Glad to hear that you found your perfect under garment.

12:18 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Larry. You are seriously a freak. We must be related. Except there is no way you are getting me into a thong. Sorry. That would just be frightening. Like an elephant wearing a bikini.

8:14 AM  

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Location: Lansing, Michigan, United States

Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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