Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Cum On Feel The (White) Noise

Because the office is not going to pot fast enough, we get this email today. Along with a constant background noise that is not in the background at all.

Good Morning CSR’s!
For those wondering why it sounds like a waterfall above us, it is the White Noise Machine. It has been inoperable since a lightning strike earlier this year. The purpose of this machine is to restrict our voices from carrying too far. Especially helpful in the call center!
Have a CSR day!
David Buznik
Group Lead

So as I write this, my head is hurting slightly as we get used to the constant static. I have had to before, never in a call center though.

It kinda reminds me of when I was in the Navy. When you are out to sea there is always a background hum of the engines. You do not even pay attention to it after a couple days. Next time you watch Star Trek, listen carefully, they try to recreate that “underway” effect by having a constant hum in the background.

The other time I got used to a White Noise Machine was with an ex-girlfriend. She used one to sleep. It could make several different types of noises, and she originally used the “Babbling Brook”. That setting caused me to have to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes, so that was changed.

She settled on to the White Noise setting. That was fine, I got used to it. Now though every time I hear White Noise, I get either tired or horny. Go figure.

As a result, now that I have to listen to White Noise all day at work, I am in danger of:

1) Flashbacks to being at war on a navy ship
2) Falling asleep during non-naptime
3) Getting horny

I do try to avoid all of these at work.

I have to wonder if this is some X-Files type government experiment. That they have hidden messages subliminally into the White Noise.

You will work hard.
You love your job.
Complaining is bad.
Eat in the building cafeteria.
Do not talk to other employees.
Playing with your nipples is fun.

Ok, I don’t really believe that. Just joking around. I am off for a special Wednesday night Penguin. Been a long day. And my nipples hurt.


Blogger brooksba said...

Uncle Larry,

Oh my. Oh my, my, my.

I have heard of the dreaded White Noise machines at call centers and I'm thankful we don't have one. A new person on our team said that a previous call center he worked at had one and he always felt like he was on an airplane. It did not help his frustration or anxiety.

I hope you get used to it and it doesn't bother you anymore.

I loved the post - very funny. I laughed pretty good and hope the Penguin was fun!


10:03 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Okay, Have a CSR day? Are you serious? Have a customer service representative day? What the hell kind of crap platitude is that? How about you get some balls, Mr. Buznik, and say what you really mean which is "Have a crappy day where you get yelled by a bunch of members while you have to deal with this stupid white noise effect in the background and not get paid a lot of money" because that's what you really mean, Mr. Buznik, and you know it.

I hate your boss. And I haven't even met him. That's not good.

Hope your day is going better. Stupid white noise. Did you ever see the XFiles episode where the white noise tape was killing people? Or was that Millenium? I don't remember now.

11:49 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

"Now though every time I hear White Noise, I get either tired or horny." :DDDDD And your nipples hurt. Ovulation, maybe?

2:16 PM  

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Location: Lansing, Michigan, United States

Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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