Wednesday, November 10, 2004

A Brief Look In Our World

The shadow people at work seem to have run away and hidden. I am not surprised. They seem to disappear when a light is shown on them. Like cockroaches.

When I was growing up in Florida I once found a cockroach at the back of a bookshelf at school. It was white, like an albino. I was in forth grade so finding an albino anything was cool. I put the bug in a jar and proudly put it on my desk.

Something started to happen over the next hour. Being out in the sunlight started to add color to the white bug. Within a little while, it was no longer white, it was the same color as any other cockroach. I let it go. Why would I want a bug that when brought into the sunlight, was just like any other bug.

The shadow/cockroach people are not really on my mind this week. They are back in hiding, still thinking that they are better then everyone else. Not knowing that when they are in the light, they are the same as everyone else. Maybe they do know this.

Sometimes it is the Grays that bother me more. These people (Those people! You people! The I once meet a famous person and am now better then you people) are the ones that play on both sides of the field. They are nice to shadows, and they are nice to us, The Island People. (Hmmm yea, will have to find something better to call us. Penguin People maybe?”) At least I know where the shadow people stand, simple do not trust them. That is easy. The Grays though, you cannot trust most of them from day to day.

The office is funny. We are our own island, not usually invited to play any of the reindeer games, and if we are it is always as an after thought. So we as a group do things for us. Birthday cards, canoeing, penguin, Friday's competition. We have our own jokes and ribbings, we enjoy ourselves and we don't need the rest of the office to do it.

Well that pisses people off. How dare we have fun and they not be the cause of it. If we aren't playing with them, then we shouldn't be playing at all! “It is my ball, so you play by my rules, oh wait you have your own ball? That is so not fair!”
So they start looking for reasons to put us down. Like if we are having fun, then our work level must be low. Come on, everyone knows better then that. So they blame us for their lack of performance. "It is your guys fault that my numbers are low." or "Because your island is so tight, it hinders everyone else from working." or "You guys laughed so much yesterday, I couldn't have sex with my spouse."

Please. Time to get over it.
The truth hurts, and the truth is, we can and do the job as well, and a lot of the time better then the "old timers". That is what pisses them off, petty jealousy.

Let’s look at a typical day in the office for me. Maybe that can help you get over your high school frame of mind. Tuesday is a good example. Note that my numbers, and the rest of my island’s were above average that day.

I started my day at the office with a performance-enhancing drug. Now before you go running report “Larry takes drugs! He even confessed in writing.” I am talking about my tea. Sometimes coffee. Sometimes Diet Coke. Sometimes I mix them all together.

I talked to a couple people, and heading back to my desk. Funny how I feel responsible when there are calls waiting to be answered, and it is my job to answer them. I saw a supervisor ask someone who also answers calls, why she was standing around chatting. Once the supervisor left, this person commented to me about that awful supervisor. I told her, “Yeah, with 25 in the queue, I think you should be answering calls, too!” She didn’t like that.

We had a conversation about nuns and working. Winston making the point that he thought they take a vow of poverty. I being the nun expert, (I was a nun for Halloween once, and I thought my brother’s wife used to be a nun, though that turned out to be incorrect) managed to help turn this into a conversation of very bad nun puns. (tell her to fly over here, don’t get in this habit of expecting, she sounded very blue)

Steven received a text message from someone he doesn’t know. (Yea right!) It was a birth announcement. Us being the good friends we are quickly turned this into an episode of Maury Povich in which Steven is accused of being this woman’s child’s daddy. In fact, by the end of the day, Maury himself had sent Steven a letter asking him to appear on the show. I don’t know how he found about about this so fast! I cannot really show you the letterhead, but here is the body of it:

The Maury Show
15 Penn Plaza/Grand Ballroom
New York, NY 10001

Steven Manlove-Jones
Our office building
Near Lansing, MI

Dear Mr. Manlove-Jones:

We are requesting you presence on an upcoming show, scheduled to tape on December 7th, 2004.

We have received a request from Ms. Smith that you are among the possible fathers of her newborn baby.

We are asking that you submit to a paternity test to prove or disprove your paternity of this wonderful child.

Also can you provide us with your intentions if the results prove that you’re the father?

I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Maury Povich

Maury Povich Syndicated Talk Show

We really are geeks on our island, but we found this very funny.

That is my typical day. Study it. Learn it. Live it!

Now take care of yourselves, and each other.

(And yes, before anyone asks, I am so blogging on the White Noise Machine. Coming really soon.)


Blogger brooksba said...

Uncle Larry is back!


I liked this post, I'm sorry that you have to deal with such jealous people at work. I'm glad to hear that you find ways to make work fun, it needs to be.

I enjoyed the Maury letter.


12:11 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Glad you're back. I'm assuming people you work with stumbled onto your blog and are causing problems? Those bastards! Tell them to knock it off or they will have to deal with the wrath of Dana, Queen of the Universe.

Oh, and this "You guys laughed so much yesterday, I couldn't have sex with my spouse" was hilarious. Please tell me that someone actually said that to you because that just proves that the jealous people are even more pathetic than I though.

11:43 AM  

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Location: Lansing, Michigan, United States

Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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