Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Well back in my day...

The work place should be like a well-organized kitchen. Everything in its proper place. Cups and saucers in the cabinet. Spices in the spice rack. Knives in someone’s back. The people in the well-organized office also fit in their specific spot. After some thought I have finally realized where my notch is at work.

See, I originally thought it was top dog, top performer. My numbers are high. Input and output are usually above average. Never hesitant to go that extra step.

That wasn’t my place though.

Then I figured, maybe it is the role of genus mentor. Someone not everyone understands, but everyone knows he has the answers. The guru. Got to get myself a turban and a robe.

But that wasn’t my right place either.

Then I figured, maybe I’m disgruntled employee. Ok, that was true, but not my place.

Then yesterday it hit me. I had just got caught by my supervisor goofing off. Figuring it was time for the lecture I braced myself. It did not happen. In fact it was treated the same way my suggestions and complaints have been treated. Just waved off and nothing happened.

I looked back over the months since my illusions were destroyed. Even Steven has commented on how he can’t understand why I have not been fired. Here is a partial list.

Asking very confusing questions at morning meetings (Why would they do that?)
Singing TV theme songs and adding my own lyrics during the workday (Firebears! Meet the Firebears! He’s the modern day Hamlet Man!)
Telling really bad jokes (What do penguins wear to keep their heads warm? Polar Ice Caps)
Really being outspoken (really outspoken!)
Stealing Leroy’s hairpiece.
Bringing up non-work related subjects. (Winston killed Punky Brewster!)
Coming to work wearing just my blue hoodie (It was very hot in the office that day)

No one gives me any reaction no matter what I say!

(At company book sale this morning.)

Wally: “Tuesdays with Morrey” I love this book!
Larry: Me too! I keep waiting for the sequel though.
Wally: (ignores me.)
Beebe: (looking through the children’s books) I am looking for some horror books.
Larry: Whore books? Those are in the adult section.
Beebe: (ignores me)

My place at work? Why I am the crazy old man that everyone is nice to no matter what. Just shakes their heads and moves on.

“Larry glued all my keys on my keyboard together!”
“Oh, yea, he is crazy. We will order you a new keyboard. You should have it in about 8 weeks.”

Steven: I accidentally dropped my notebook in Larry’s cube and he won’t give it back.
Maggie: Yea, I had a neighbor like that when I was growing up in Puerto Rico. Once it is in that yard you might as well count it as lost. Just order a replacement. You should get it in about 8 weeks.
Steven: Oh shucks! Golly gee whiz!

Larry: You know I was thinking we should all develop a symbol that represents each of us. Then instead of signing our names on documents we could just draw the symbol!
Maude: Sure Larry, great idea. I will bring it up at the next board meeting.
Larry: And we could answer the phone like, “Thank you for calling, this is the CSR formally known as Larry, how may I help you?”
Winston: Can I be @?

It also explains half heard comments.

Oh, great, here comes that crazy geezer again.
It’s just Larry.
Careful, don’t break a hip.
I’m not Puerto Rican.
Well in Larry’s day…
Maybe his hearing aid isn’t working.

Now that I know how I fit in things should be a lot better! I just need a cane and have my chair replaced with a rocking chair. Well, as long as those damn kids stay off my lawn!


Blogger CarpeDM said...

You are such a dork. I love it.

Yeah, somedays I feel like the old geezer as well. Especially the last few days when I've been complaining about the weather because it makes my joints ache.

Firebears, meet the firebears? You make up songs as well? I once "wrote" a song about the scrapbooking cart I received for Christmas. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the wheelie tote rolls tonight."

2:46 AM  
Blogger TLG said...

I've just begun reffering to myself as a "fuddy duddy." In the last year or so I've really begun to understand where my grandfather gets it from. I used to think he was nuts. Now I realize HE isn't nuts. Everybody else is.

12:48 PM  

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Location: Lansing, Michigan, United States

Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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