Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Now We Are Cooking With Gas!

I heard this from a call center person yesterday, I shall call her Velma. Velma works for a company the supplies natural gas to homes. Most of these calls are run of the mill, billing questions; service turn on's (Strawberry Ice Cream, and mullets) and turn offs (nipple piercing and mullets). Once and a while she gets a gas leak call. Now Velma is a very calm person, never loses her cool. She almost did on this one.

Velma: Thanks for calling “We Got Gas” Company. This is Velma, How may I help you?

NoClueMan: I be needing a guy to come out to my place. I called my plumber about 4 hours ago, but he ain’t made it out yet.

Velma: Do you have a gas leak, sir?

NCM: Nay. Well, not really. I’s took care of the leak, just need to get’em fixed now.

Velma: Ok, sir. Maybe you should explain the situation.

NCM: Sure enough! That dryer of mine was making a lot of racket. I’ve been telling Bernice to let me look at it but she says nope. Well she is down in Charleston with our daughter and grand kids. My daughter has run off and married some confederate boy down there. They had meet on the internet. Seems odd to me, but he’s a nice boy, for a lawyer. Anyway I’s drying my socks, cause I like them toasty and Bernice never can do it right. I hate going outside with damp socks, like em just a little toasty. Well, that dang machine, it started banging, making all that noise again, so I figured I’ld fix it.
I muscled that dang machine away from the wall, and damned if this rubber hose in the back there didn’t break off.

Velma: And this was a gas hose?

NCM: Sure was! The whole place started to smell like gas! So I followed the thang to the shut her off valve, but the dang thing wouldn’t move. So I grabbed my toolbox my
Vise Grip Locking Pliers and clamped them on the end of that hose. Then I called my plumber.

Velma: Umm, sir. That probably is not a complete seal. Are you still in the house? If you are you need to get out right now!

NCM: You’re right there. I could still smell it and heard it hissing. But I took care of it, just need one of your guys to come out here and fix the hose.

Velma: You took care of it? How?

NCM: Well, I didn’t want the house to fill up with gas; dang thing could have blown up! So I just lit the gas coming out of the hose on fire. That way it’s burning off the gas that’s sneaking through!

Velma: Umm, MR NCM. You need to get out of the house right now. You are in a very dangerous situation. I am sending emergency services to your place right now.

NCM: What? Leave the house? It’s fine here! I can’t go out anyway, my socks are still wet! You want me to catch a cold or something?

Velma: Sir, you need to leave right now.

NCM: Ok, but if I catch the flu, I’m going to be suing you! My son in law is a lawyer you know!

As a taxi driver in Portugal once told me, while he was flooring it in reverse trying to beat a train to the railroading crossing. “Don’t worry, be happy.” It was kinda broken English he may have said, “I have a death wish”. Not real sure.
The house did not blow up. Everything had a happy ending.

I meet Velma last night while filling out paperwork for a CSR position. Wow, do I want to work in this call center! I have never heard anyone talk of my current call center by saying “I love my job!” and that is what she did. I have heard stories about people working in call centers where the like when you have high call volume and great customer feedback. I thought it was an urban legend! Seeing this place was like getting a taste of heaven. Will keep everyone up to date on the up coming adventures of Firebear Job Hunting!


Blogger brooksba said...


OMG! This is hilarious! Absolutely classic. I loved this story. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing.

Best of luck in the job hunting. I hope for the best.


2:10 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Good lord. That's crazy. Crazy! I can't believe it.

Loved the story. I hope you work there. That would rock. Imagine the stories!

10:51 AM  

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Location: Lansing, Michigan, United States

Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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