Friday, October 15, 2004

Duke of Blog

For those who have not heard, there is a Dukes of Hazzard movie currently in production. This is going to be a modern update of the classic television show. None of the original cast is reported as participating; except for the General Lee will still be a ’69 Charger.

Most of us fans know this will not be the same, especially as the cast list starts to come out. I believe it will be interesting though!

Sean William Scott – As Bo Duke. Best known as Stifler in the American Pie movies.
Johnny Knoxville – As Luke Duke. The leader in the Jackass movie and TV show.
Jessica Simpson – As Daisy Duke. Best known for being pretty and dumb.
Willie Nelson – As Uncle Jessie. Best know for being Willie Nelson.
Burt Reynolds – As Boss Hogg. Its Burt Reynolds.

The rest of the major cast has not been reported yet.

With this cast, I imagine the script will be something like this:

Open to Boss Hogg’s office. We see Hogg and the Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.

: We got to get those Duke Boys!
Coltrane: Forget the boys, I would like to get that Daisy! Woohoo!
Hogg: (hitting Coltrane in the head) I’m not talking about that, you idiot! Here! (hands a brown paper bag to Coltrane) I want you to get these drugs to the Duke’s house. Then you can bust them!
Coltrane: Yes! That is great! Hehehe! Drugs! Now maybe I should sample these drugs first, make sure they are real! (reaching in the bag)
Hogg: Get your hand out of there, Sheriff Justice, uh I mean Sheriff Coltrane! This is top shelf, major Mojo! Now get going!
Coltrane: Ok! I even know how I’ll get there! I’ll go east bound and down, loaded up and truckin’. I’m going to do what they say can’t be done!
Hogg: Ok, but remember, you have a long way to go, and a short time to get there!
Coltrane: Hehehe!

Fade out.
Fade in.
Duke farm. We see Uncle Jessie, Bo and Luke.

Jessie: (taking a drag off his joint) So, boys, since the family has decided you need to be farmed out here with your “Uncle” Jessie. This is what you are doing. Johnson’s Hardware, and Mrs. Roland’s Gift Shop have not paid their “protection” money this month. I want you to go over there and rough them up a bit. (takes another drag)
Now Luke, that damn orange car already gets enough attention with out you adding a rocket engine, or covering your self with meat and jumping on the grill at the Whore’s uh, I mean the Boar’s Nest. That scares away the paying customers!
Luke: But #&@* Uncle Jessie! Why the #$%&…
Jessie: Don’t #&@* me boy! I will light you on fire myself! #$%& idiot! And you Bo, stop trying to bed your cousin Daisy. She’s not right in the head. You got me boy?
Bo: I got peed on!

Daisy walks in holding a brown paper bag.

Daisy: Uncle Jessie, you were right! None of those cows got wings! Who knew?
Jessie: You know it’s a good thing you are pretty! What you got there?
Daisy: Just your delivery from the Sheriff. He gave it to me then said he had to go “Polish his pistol”. Though it looked pretty shiny to me! What does he mean by that?
Jessie: Yeah, I’ll show you in a minute. Go ahead and take that bag in to my bedroom. I’ll be there in a minute. You boys get going, and watch out for that Boss Hogg. He has been trying to muscle into our rackets for years. Just remember, he is a bandit!

Fade out.

Ok so maybe I’m off a little bit. Think of the merchandise!
Uncle Jessie’s Stash!
Daisy Duke dolls!
General Lee cars with rocket power!
Whore’s uh Boar’s Nest play set!

All I can say is I can’t wait for this movie!
Ok, I’ll remove my tongue from cheek now.


Blogger CarpeDM said...

Just for the record, you are insane. But very, very funny.

Johnny Knoxville may be a jackass but he was very funny in Big Trouble and Walking Tall. I'll go see it. I had the hugest crush on Luke and Cooter so I know it won't be the same but it'll still be fun.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Firebear said...

I loved big trouble and walking tall. I meet cooter at his restraunt in virginia once. he's cool

11:49 AM  

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Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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