Friday, October 08, 2004


Ok, here is a rant!

When you telephone a call center, and the person tells you they can not do that or that they do not have that information, its probably because they can not do that or they do not have that information!

You see, as someone working a call center, I want to get through the call as quick as possible, with the least amount of hassle. That means it is easier to give you what you are asking for then to not do that. I will be honest with you because I do not want to have to deal with you on a call back. Talk to my supervisor? Chances are if my supervisor has the answer, I will suggest this myself. Again, I want to get through this call as quick as possible.

I am sure you are a special person, that you are loved and have friends and family. You are an individual. I will be nice to you, and do my best to answer anything you want me too. I can assure you, no one has taken your paperwork out of the mountains of paperwork and delayed it for some type of vengeance against you. You really are just another number. Not because we are uncaring, it is because we deal with thousands of people a day.

Not to sound mean, I would much rather never have to talk to you again. If there is a problem then I will do my best to help. Asking to speak to the director or dropping his name as some sort of threat does not work. Speaking to the director because your direct deposit was delayed a month, is like calling George Bush to complain about the IRS Rep.

If you are going to bad mouth us, wait until after you hang up. (Of course I love saying “I can still hear you, Ma’am) We give you the courtesy to wait to make fun of you until after you are off the line, please do the same for us!

If I am asking for a piece of information, it is because I do not have it! I would not ask for it if I did! I do not care if I should, I don't!

Finally, if you get a letter from us that ask you to fill out a form, then it is because we need you to FILL OUT THE FORM! Do not call us and ask, “Do I need to fill out this form?” YES! YES YOU DO! Want to argue that you don’t want to fill it out, then don’t fill it out! It is your life, your paperwork. We do not send stuff out just for the heck of it! We are not that bored! Of course chances are you just spent longer on hold then it would have taken you to do the paperwork!
Ok, I feel better now!


Blogger CarpeDM said...

I was going to highlight parts of this in this comment and say "Oh, I really liked this part here" and "You tell them, Larry!" and "Yes, you are a genius!"

Then I realized I would pretty much end up copying the entire post and putting it in the comments and that would just be silly. So I didn't do it.

Just so you know, I'm posting a link to this on moron mouth. This is perfect. And it's a vant. Venting and ranting combined is so much more fun than just ranting.

Anyway, so how are things? You're right, instant messager would be great because there are some times I see something and think "Y'know, I bet Larry would love that." This is so weird. You've become family, you're like my long lost brother or something. Beth and Matt could start calling you Uncle Larry.

I'm starting to get stranger than usual. Later.

5:26 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Again, I loved it! I second Dana's comments about this post. Every part was perfect.

By the way, Dana told us about calling you Uncle Larry and it has stuck. You have become a part of our odd little family. I hope you don't think we're scary people now. We're really not. We just like those with a good sense of humor!

2:53 AM  
Blogger keem said...

hee hee. How fun would it be to actually tell the customers what you are really thinking! :)

12:43 PM  
Blogger angelia said...

this was great, and so so so so true. thank you!

5:55 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

You DO belong with the Morons! You poor people!

6:40 PM  
Blogger Matt said...

Uncle Larry,
Hope you don't mind even after reading some of my posts that I call you that. This was wonderful, I remember the good old days of being in the call center and having to deal with these people. I did do an entire post one time about a particular call that I took, it is in one of my archives, it is called "Funny Phone Story" if you have not read it, I suggest reading it just so you can laugh at this person. He is someone that I will never forget.....Stay cool Uncle Larry.

7:42 PM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

OH MY GOD: "You DO belong with the Morons!" I'm so sorry, you know what I mean, WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! Obviously I meant you do belong with Moron's Mouth. Argh.

8:57 AM  

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Location: Lansing, Michigan, United States

Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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