Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Rufus Hits 300 With His Balls!!!

Island mate Rufus recently reached that magic number in bowling; a 300! We are all impressed and congratulate him. We know that it takes lots of practice and the right equipment to accomplish this. As a tribute, I have collected comments from friends and family concerning his skill and his two bowling balls. These are straight from the hip, so that Rufus can feel the love.

Rufus's Mom: Even when Rufus was a newborn, he loved playing with his 2 balls. As he got older we would always hear noise in his bedroom, and we knew it was just him playing with his balls again.

Rufus's best friend: Rufus is great with his balls. I have seen him polish his ball with one hand and drink a beer with another. He has a special polish that he applies to give them a nice luster.

A former friend: Rufus and I were friends but it ended because I was sick of him always throwing his balls at me.

Former coach: I once caught him in the back of the bus playing with his balls. He was very dedicated.

High school girlfriend: He kept wanting to put his balls on my forehead. Very odd. When I wouldn’t do that, he started asking me to lick them for luck.

Teammate: He keeps wanting me to lick his balls for luck.

Sister Mary Margaret: He keeps wanting me to lick his balls for luck.

Stranger on the street: He comes around about once a week and wants me to lick his balls. I don’t care why; I’ll keep doing it as long as he keeps paying me $20.

2nd grade teacher: At a young age Rufus seemed to have a talent for sticking his fingers in holes.

Bowling Alley Manager: It's not an uncommon sight to see Rufus rushing into an alley, his balls clanging together

School Nurse: From the first time I met him I knew his balls were perfect.

Pro-shop clerk: Never have I seen bigger balls than Rufus’s. He’s had to invest in a special bag just to carry them.

Co-worker: Rufus took me out to the parking lot and showed me his balls at last summer’s company picnic. I was impressed. I had heard that he had blue balls, but that wasn’t true. Actually one is black and the other is red and over sized.

Father MacNamara: I have been blessing his balls ever since he was an altar boy.

Female Friend: I have never seen his bowling balls, but he has nice testicles.

There are lots more terrific things said about Rufus, too many to list! Feel free to add in the comments!
Be safe! - bear


Blogger brooksba said...

Uncle Larry,

Wish Rufus "Congratulations!" from me. As a former bowling alley junkie, I know he must be having quite a time with the news. You brought me back to my days of hanging out at the alley, hearing all the quips about balls and holes. Add the fact I also hung out at a pool hall, and I've heard almost all of the references. It's still fun.

After the game, did Rufus ask others if they wanted to fondle his balls?


12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beth, just to let you know I sure did have my "balls" fondled when I got done throwing them around for the night!!!!


7:57 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

I keep forgetting how perverted bowling and pool terms actually sound. Obviously these were games invented by 12 year old boys.

This was a cute story. I'm glad you're back.

9:36 PM  
Blogger Firebear said...

Perverted? What are you talking about?

6:18 AM  

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Location: Lansing, Michigan, United States

Desert Shield/storm vet. I am the one at work who comes up with the ideas on filling up those non-work hours. (ok, who is up for canoeing this weekend?) After several wrong turns, have finally found the love of my life.

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